Tales of the expected.

Children of the corn,

Good day to you.

Gather round as I tell you of my journey to the fabled city of Seoul. Our outing got off to a bad start as we got a wee bit lost in the underground labyrinth known as the ‘subway’, home to a legion of ancient snakelike creatures that convey humans around in their insides. A pox upon the metal snakes known as ‘subway trains’ and all who dwell within their silver foul smelling bellies! They have made worms’ meat of me…

After about two hours we managed to emerge from the underground and walk once more in the sun! We checked into the hotel and then went in search of ‘Bukchon Hanok Village.’ ‘Hanok’ are traditional Korean houses with ornate roofs and they are supposed to be quite a wonder to behold.  Unfortunately, either the village has recently been moved or the houses are so small that they are in fact invisible to the naked eye because we found the street that they were supposed to be on but there was pas de hanok. This was most disappointing as it had taken us four hours to journey to Seoul and a further two hours to master the subway so it was getting quite late…

We then tried to get tickets for one of the non-verbal performance shows that Seoul is famous for. We were not especially hopeful as you are supposed to book such tickets in advance but we managed to get two of the last coveted golden tickets! The show was called ‘JUMP’ and it features a manic martial arts loving family who are as mad as a bag of spiders. It was most enjoyable. There’s some audience participation though and I was a tad anxious that I might be pulled up on the stage as they seemed to be targeting round eyes… Luckily, they chose to attack a naive young French man instead. Literally, they pulled him up on stage, made him face a trained martial arts expert and said ‘defend yourself.’ I found a trailer for the show on youtube, I shall attempt to attach it.

The next day we journeyed to a palace called Changdeokgung to explore its grounds. The garden is known as the ‘Secret Garden.’ Though to be fair, its location is marked quite clearly on the map so as a name it is misleading… The gardens were nice but I imagine they are a good deal nicer in Summer. There tends to be a shortage of foliage in Winter. Also, the colourful fish were trapped beneath the frozen pond. And the waterfalls were also frozen. All the same though, it was still a pleasant place in which to stroll.

In other news, a new ‘semester’ starts in our school next week. The new foreign teacher is also due to arrive then so we had hoped that would mean less teaching hours for us. Alas, we were given a new schedule that would entail extra hours and additional administrative duties. I was not pleased by the prospect of spending the rest of the year fighting the forces of darkness (also known as ‘children’) whilst dealing with the day to day challenge of admin.  We managed to renegotiate our hours though. They’ll be about the same as last term but at least they are no longer going to worsenify… Shut up, I know that’s not a word. This is good as all work and no play make Homer something, something…

In other other news, I somehow managed to get locked in a classroom not once but four times this week. One of the doors has developed a faulty handle and it locks automatically when closed. Luckily, a kind passerby was usually able to rescue me. On one occasion though, nobody came by for quite some time and I watched in amusement as one plucky young student attempted to pry the door open with her 'hello kitty' pen. If MacGyver had been there he could have accomplished said feat with a mere paper clip. He could have then used said paper clip to fashion a bomb. Sadly, the student was no MacGyver and we were doomed to wait for at least four and a half minutes before we were freed.

I have now used up all my words and shall therefore become a blank space once more.

Moon pie, what a time to be alive...

Good people of my acquaintance, be prepared to read something that may shock and educate you!

I came to this country a spry young thing of 24 but time has ravaged my once youthful looks. My birthday is on Sunday, but I shall not be turning 25 on the appointed day as (unbeknownst to me) I somehow managed to turn 26 three weeks ago.

I found out some time ago that in Korea one is considered to be already one year old on the day one makes one's escape from the wretched womb. To my dismay, this meant that my Korean co-workers regarded me as being 25 and not 24. I have subsequently found out that each passing of a Lunar New Year, rather than the birthday, adds one year to a person's age. I therefore turned 26 on the 3rd of February. The prospect of turning 25 was stressful enough but now it appears that I have been prematurely wizened by a whole two years! Curse you Father Time, you have stolen my best years!

I am going to Seoul this weekend to ease my woes. One of my fellow teachers told me that Seoul is riddled with thieves who 'will cut off my nose if I close my eyes.' This alarmed me a tad but I shall brave the metropolis anyway.

I vow to come back with my shield or on it!

(Though as always, If I don't make it back avenge my death. That means you Jack!)

A fatal vision...

Good people of my acquaintance, you will be glad to hear that I was not eaten by wolves whilst out in the wilderness!

We journeyed to Jirisan National Park yesterday on a bus full of terrifically old Koreans who eyed us with distrust. I’m not sure why everybody was so old… I’m also not sure why the bus had such ornate décor or why the bus driver kept bowing to the wizened passengers… Perhaps we accidently got on a bus reserved for very important pensioners. Or VIPs if you will. But I digress; the important thing is that we made it to the park in the pensioner mobile.

The temple was, of course, splendid to behold as was the surrounding park. An orgy for the eye one might say. We went on a wee hike through the park and once again our trail ended with a vision of a frozen waterfall. This waterfall was quite immense and made the waterfall we saw in Busan seem like a pansy in comparison.

When we were finished massaging our respective chis we went in search of food. By which I mean we walked to the nearby town to find a restaurant, not that we went foraging in the forest for nuts and berries. We had to be up at 7 yesterday to get the bus and we didn’t have time for breakfast so we were both quite hungry at this stage. I felt kinda like Dougal the time he forgot to eat his breakfast and became so crazed with hunger whilst on the mainland that he tried to order chips from a garda station. We were walking back to town and I was just thinking how much I’d like a sandwich and a nice cup of tea when I saw before me a ‘tea cultural centre’ of gigantic proportions surrounded by sculptures of giant cups of tea. Naturally, I feared that I had gone delightfully mad from lack of sustenance and that this vision of a giant tea cup was but a mirage. I began to question my sanity in Macbeth-esque fashion.

Is this a tea cup which I see before me,

The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A tea cup of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?  

I guess Macbeth’s situation was slightly more extreme. I mean he had just killed the King; all I did was skip breakfast. Anyway, it turned out that the tea centre was indeed real and I wasn't mad so I'd broken into soliloquy for nothing. I guess its not that strange to build a giant monument in worship of tea. There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world? The answer is 'no.' He did not.

After we moved on from the tea centre we found some restaurants in town. To my dismay, all the restaurants were sea food restaurants. I’m still not quite ready for Korean sushi; the food isn’t just raw, it’s actually alive. I just don’t find the idea of a baby octopus on a plate angrily shaking its tentacles at me all that appetising. So I ordered ‘bibimbap.’ It's a Korean dish containing a mix of egg, vegetables and rice and is quite devoid of all living creatures.

I hope you are as replete with information as I was with food. I bid you adieu. :)  

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Gather round and I shall tell you a tale that will enthral you body, mind and soul! Or at least mildly interest you.

We got our New Year’s holidays on Wednesday and we started off the break in fine style! Our boss gave us a bonus and we splashed out on a steak dinner! Then my fair companion went mad altogether and decided to buy a motorbike! Unfortunately, our new found riches didn’t quite cover the cost of the motorised bike so he had to use his own monies to make the purchase. It shall be very handy for getting around and about. I went for my first outing on the back of the bike last Thursday! I think I need to invest in some more appropriate attire though… A flowery skirt accessorised with red pumps just doesn’t say ‘hardcore biker bitch’ to me. I’m gonna get me some leather chaps so I can strut around like some kind of rebellious teen from the wrong side of the tracks who doesn’t play by anybody’s rules, not even her own.

We decided to spend a couple of days in Busan for the break. The last time we were there we spent most of our time wandering along the coastline at a place called Yeong-do so we didn’t get to see much of the city. This time we decided to go right into the belly of the beast and explore the city centre.

We decided to take a trip to Shinsegae Centum City- the world’s largest department store. This monolithic megastore takes up 5.5 million sq ft of space, has 14 storeys and is in the Guinness book of records for being bleedin’ massive. It’s even bigger than Macy’s in New York. I was a little nervous about going there as I find too much choice overwhelming… I was worried I’d feel a bit like Mr. Burns that time he had to go shopping and had a breakdown because he couldn’t choose between Ketchup and Catsup. Naturally, I had a giant cocktail to steel my nerves before embarking on this perilous expedition. After getting the metro across town we arrived at the store and bravely walked through the doors bracing ourselves for a sensory onslaught caused by the bustling crowds, the loud music, the colourful merchandise and the smell of money in the air. However, the shop was empty. It was New Year’s Day. All the staff had gone home and shut up shop for the day. In retrospect, we probably should have anticipated this…. Luckily for us the department store is not a mere shop, it is also an entertainment complex equipped with its own restaurants, a gym, a golf driving range, a spa, an ice rink, a multiplex cinema, and an art gallery in the west wing. We could go anywhere our hearts desired! (Except for the west wing which was naturally forbidden.) We decided to make our way to the ice rink. I think I’m gonna add ice-skating to my list of dislikes and ice to my list of enemies. If God had wanted us to slip around the ice he would have equipped us with rubbery bellies on which to slide ala the noble penguin. This whole business of strapping blades to one’s foot is just unnatural.  Actually the skating was quite enjoyable; I think I might just be feeling bitter because all the kids were better than me… Thinking they were so great just because they didn’t need to hold a bigger person’s hand to get around! Ah the arrogance of youth…

After returning from the skating expedition we watched some truly terrifying Korean t.v. back at the hostel. I have no idea what the people were saying but there were a lot of trippy colours, manic hand gestures and a show featuring a man dressed up as a giant moth ball chasing children so I was scared… We decided to make our escape to a bar and sample the Busanian nightlife. It was definitely a lot livelier than what Jinju has to offer!

Today we went to Beomeo-sa temple in the mountains of Busan. It was ever so pretty. There were a lot of people there praying, making donations and performing elaborate bowing rituals though so we felt a little intrusive… After a while we decided to wander off on a trail leading into the neighbouring woods. Even though the landscape is a bit barren in Winter the walk was most agreeable. We even stumbled across a frozen waterfall!

We are now in Jinju again but we shall set out on more adventures tomorrow. The plan is to travel to Jirisan National Park to admire the foliage and commune with nature. One must get with the bracken, move with the moss. There are also Buddhist temples in the park so we can achieve inner peace while we’re there. As you can probably surmise the trail we are to follow is sure to be laced with danger and fraught with peril. If you don’t hear from me for a few days, avenge my death.  

P.S. Check ot these freaky apartments above the Burger King in Busan. Their sole occupants appear to be disgruntled oversized teddy bears slumped drunkenly again a wall.

P.P.S Rumour has it that a new foreign teacher shall be arriving on the day of my birthday as a gift of sorts! When he arrives we shall have less teaching hours so I'm most pleased at this news. Everything's coming up Milhouse.:)