Be. Our. GUEST!

Dear Plebs,

I hope you are all quite well.

Come with me now on a journey through time and space as I take you back two weeks to the weekend when my fair friend (and worthy foe) Sarah came to visit.:)

Sazmataz was due to arrive on Sunday morning. Therefore, I had resolved to spend Saturday preparing for her arrival in the traditional manner of training the crockery to perform a perfectly choreographed musical number for her entertainment ala Beauty and the Beast. Unfortunately, my plans went awry as I am not adept in the arts of wizardry, nor do I live in an enchanted castle. Also, I was kinda hung-over on Sat so I wasn’t functioning at normal capacity…

We had gone out on Friday night to the local expat bar hoping to spot some others of our ilk. We were not disappointed as the Jinju French community were out and proud that night. We started the night in a bar then we went to the obligatory karaoke room and then to a club. I remember speaking perfect French all night and impressing all around me with my fluency and eloquent address. In reality, I think I may have been speaking a bastardised version of French that also incorporated English, Irish and possibly Korean. However, I had my fun and that’s all that matters. I also remember somehow obtaining a part in an upcoming amateur production of ‘The Vagina Monologues’… I’m not sure what the play entails but I can only assume it to be a sort of horror show featuring talking genitalia…

The next day Eoin, Gareth and I decided to go for a refreshing walk in the hills in order to recharge our chis. On the way up we decided to drop in at a temple to show Eoin the impressive murals that are painted on both the inside and the outside of this house of worship. The last time we had gone to this temple we were able to enter unmolested but this time round Eoin and I were lured into a small room by two elderly ladies. Once inside we were accosted by a tiny man who spoke to us in rapid Korean whilst gesturing wildly towards the various statues of Buddha that adorned the room. He then started performing an elaborate bowing ritual and he indicated that we were to follow suit. I therefore found myself in the bizarre position of having to nurse a hangover whilst frantically worshiping three golden gods and trying not to vomit with each fresh bowing motion. I can only hope our Lord will forgive me for my sins. He is the most forgiving of all the gods though. 'All gods Crilly, what other gods are there? FALSE GODS!' Ha, I love that line in Ted. Each time I made a fresh bow to Buddha I could hear Bishop Brennan yelling ‘false gods’ in my ear is his manic Limerick accent.:) We emerged bewildered from the temple to find the two old ladies who had ushered us in there contorted with laughter at our expense. Well mockin’ is catchin’, that’s all I’ll say.

I received a rather amusing email from my prospective guest on Saturday informing me that she had in fact missed her flight due to her inability to read the 24 hour clock; turns out that 1.00 am on Sat night is actually technically 1.00 am on Sat morning. All was not lost though as she was able to reschedule her flight free of charge! This is not the first time I have heard of an innocent traveller being tricked by the treachery of the 24 hour clock. Time makes fools of us all.

Sarah arrived on Sunday morning and I whisked her away to my coven where I showed her to the guest room and let her know that the meals would be at eleven, one, half-two, three, five, seven, and nine, and if she wanted a quick snack, she could just ask Gareth. We then gave her the grand tour of the apartment. This took roughly two and half minutes as we live in a box.

Unfortunately as I work most of the live long day we could only spend the mornings with our guest and she had to amuse herself from two to ten each day. However, she fared valiantly and when the weekend came we packed our bags and said goodbye to the circus. Our intention was to journey to Gwangalli beach to see the cherry blossom festival that was rumoured to be taking place there. However, we saw but a smattering of cherry blossom trees and none of them burst into bloom while I was looking at them… Luckily, the beach was splendid anyway as there was an amusement park stationed right beside it. Spending the day on rollercoasters was probably more fun than watching trees slowly blossom anyway.:) We went on the big wheel and the ‘diving rollercoaster’ and a good time was had by all. I shall attach a video of us on said rollercoaster as it is highly amusing to behold our terror.

When night fell we hung around the beach to watch the buildings and the bridge illuminate in a multi-coloured light show. Twas a splendid sight. We even saw a ye olde pirate-esque ship all lit up out at sea.

We had a drink at a bar by the waterfront and then ventured into town to find an Irish pub that young master Eoin was eager to frequent. When we arrived we were greeted by the sight of a slew of young ladies dressed as young men and young men dressed as young ladies for it was drag night that Saturday. I felt most ridiculous walking around with no moustache… I was surprised to find that there were even one or two Korean men dressed as women. Korea is ever so conservative and even sporting an unconventional hairdo or a piercing or two is considered unacceptable so wearing a dress would definitely be a fashion faux pas over here. Gayness definitely seems to be frowned upon; Korean men must perform compulsory military service and if two men are found guilty of conducting a homosexual relationship they can be dismissed on charges of ‘reciprocal rape!’ Now that’s a contradiction in terms if ever I heard one. Anyway, I digress. The drag party was lots of fun and we all got very merry. Eoin spent most of the night dancing with a tiny woman who he had to carry around in his arms in order to make eye contact; he placed her on a nearby shelf whenever his arms were tired. This same gentleman later slapped Gareth across the face in response to being informed that one of our party was sick. Not the most reasonable reaction in the world...

The next day we went to Beomeo-sa to admire the pretty lanterns and the colourful temple walls. Feast your eyes on this kaleidoscope of colour.

Sarah left yesterday for Seoul but we shall be joining her there on Sat for one last hurrah before she flees the country! Tune in next week for more exciting adventures!:)